The book from which Washington derived almost the whole of his education
warned its readers,--
"Young Men have ever more a special care That Womanish Allurements prove
not a snare;"
but, however carefully the lad studied the rest, this particular
admonition took little root in his mind. There can be no doubt that
Washington during the whole of his life had a soft heart for women, and
especially for good-looking ones, and both in his personal intercourse and
in his letters he shows himself very much more at ease with them than in
his relations with his own sex. Late in life, when the strong passions of
his earlier years were under better control, he was able to write,--
"Love is said to be an involuntary passion, and it is, therefore,
contended that it cannot be resisted. This is true in part only, for like
all things else, when nourished and supplied plentifully with aliment, it
is rapid in its progress; but let these be withdrawn and it may be stifled
in its birth or much stinted in its growth. For example, a woman (the same
may be said of the other sex) all beautiful and accomplished will, while
her hand and heart are undisposed of, turn the heads and set the circle in
which she moves on fire. Let her marry, and what is the consequence? The
madness ceases and all is quiet again. Why? not because there is any
diminution in the charms of the lady, but because there is an end of hope.
Hence it follows, that love may and therefore ought to be under the
guidance of reason, for although we cannot avoid first impressions, we may
assuredly place them under guard."
To write thus in one's sixty-sixth year and to practise one's theory in
youth were, however, very different undertakings. Even while discussing
love so philosophically, the writer had to acknowledge that "in the
composition of the human frame, there is a good deal of inflammable
matter," and few have had better cause to know it. When he saw in the
premature engagement of his ward, Jack Custis, the one advantage that it
would "in a great measure avoid those little flirtations with other young
ladies that may, by dividing the attention, contribute not a little to
divide the affection," it is easy to think of him as looking back to his
own boyhood, and remembering, it is to be hoped with a smile, the
sufferings he owed to pretty faces and neatly turned ankles.
While still a school-boy, Washington was one day caught "romping with one
of the largest girls," and very quickly more serious likings followed. As
early as 1748, when only sixteen years of age, his heart was so engaged
that while at Lord Fairfax's and enjoying the society of Mary Cary he
poured out his feelings to his youthful correspondents "Dear Robin" and
"Dear John" and "Dear Sally" as follows:
"My place of Residence is at present at His Lordships where I might was my
heart disengag'd pass my time very pleasantly as theres a very agreeable
Young Lady Lives in the same house (Colo George Fairfax's Wife's Sister)
but as thats only adding Fuel to fire it makes me the more uneasy for by
often and unavoidably being in Company with her revives my former Passion
for your Low Land Beauty whereas was I to live more retired from young
Women I might in some measure eliviate my sorrows by burying that chast
and troublesome Passion in the grave of oblivion or etarnall forgetfulness
for as I am very well assured thats the only antidote or remedy that I
shall be releivd by or only recess that can administer any cure or help to
me as I am well convinced was I ever to attempt any thing I should only
get a denial which would be only adding grief to uneasiness."
"Was my affections disengaged I might perhaps form some pleasure in the
conversation of an agreeable Young Lady as theres one now Lives in the
same house with me but as that is only nourishment to my former affecn for
by often seeing her brings the other into my remembrance whereas perhaps
was she not often & (unavoidably) presenting herself to my view I might in
some measure aliviate my sorrows by burying the other in the grave of
Oblivion I am well convinced my heart stands in defiance of all others but
only she thats given it cause enough to dread a second assault and from a
different Quarter tho' I well know let it have as many attacks as it will
from others they cant be more fierce than it has been."
"I Pass the time of[f] much more agreeabler than what I imagined I should
as there's a very agrewable Young Lady lives in the same house where I
reside (Colo George Fairfax's Wife's Sister) that in a great Measure
cheats my thoughts altogether from your Parts I could wish to be with you
down there with all my heart but as it is a thing almost Impractakable
shall rest myself where I am with hopes of shortly having some Minutes of
your transactions in your Parts which will be very welcomely receiv'd."
Who this "Low Land Beauty" was has been the source of much speculation,
but the question is still unsolved, every suggested damsel--Lucy Grymes,
Mary Bland, Betsy Fauntleroy, et al.--being either impossible or the
evidence wholly inadequate. But in the same journal which contains the
draughts of these letters is a motto poem--
"Twas Perfect Love before
But Now I do adore"--
followed by the words "Young M.A. his W[ife?]," and as it was a fashion
of the time to couple the initials of one's well-beloved with such
sentiments, a slight clue is possibly furnished. Nor was this the only
rhyme that his emotions led to his inscribing in his journal: and he
confided to it the following:
"Oh Ye Gods why should my Poor Resistless Heart
Stand to oppose thy might and Power
At Last surrender to cupids feather'd Dart
And now lays Bleeding every Hour
For her that's Pityless of my grief and Woes
And will not on me Pity take
He sleep amongst my most inveterate Foes
And with gladness never wish to wake
In deluding sleepings let my Eyelids close
That in an enraptured Dream I may
In a soft lulling sleep and gentle repose
Possess those joys denied by Day."
However woe-begone the young lover was, he does not seem to have been
wholly lost to others of the sex, and at this same time he was able to
indite an acrostic to another charmer, which, if incomplete, nevertheless
proves that there was a "midland" beauty as well, the lady being
presumptively some member of the family of Alexanders, who had a
plantation near Mount Vernon.
"From your bright sparkling Eyes I was undone;
Rays, you have; more transperent than the Sun.
Amidst its glory in the rising Day
None can you equal in your bright array;
Constant in your calm and unspotted Mind;
Equal to all, but will to none Prove kind,
So knowing, seldom one so Young, you'l Find.
Ah! woe's me, that I should Love and conceal
Long have I wish'd, but never dare reveal,
Even though severely Loves Pains I feel;
Xerxes that great, was't free from Cupids Dart,
And all the greatest Heroes, felt the smart."
When visiting Barbadoes, in 1751, Washington noted in his journal his
meeting a Miss Roberts, "an agreeable young lady," and later he went with
her to see some fireworks on Guy Fawkes day. Apparently, however, the
ladies of that island made little impression on him, for he further noted,
"The Ladys Generally are very agreeable but by ill custom or w[ha]t effect
the Negro style." This sudden insensibility is explained by a letter he
wrote to William Fauntleroy a few weeks after his return to Virginia:
"Sir: I should have been down long before this, but my business in
Frederick detained me somewhat longer than I expected, and immediately
upon my return from thence I was taken with a violent Pleurise, but
purpose as soon as I recover my strength, to wait on Miss Betsy, in hopes
of a revocation of the former cruel sentence, and see if I can meet with
any alteration in my favor. I have enclosed a letter to her, which should
be much obliged to you for the delivery of it. I have nothing to add but
my best respects to your good lady and family, and that I am, Sir, Your
most ob't humble serv't."
Because of this letter it has been positively asserted that Betsy
Fauntleroy was the Low-Land Beauty of the earlier time; but as Washington
wrote of his love for the latter in 1748, when Betsy was only eleven, the
absurdity of the claim is obvious.
In 1753, while on his mission to deliver the governor's letter to the
French, one duty which fell to the young soldier was a visit to royalty,
in the person of Queen Aliquippa, an Indian majesty who had "expressed
great Concern" that she had formerly been slighted. Washington records
that "I made her a Present of a Match-coat and a Bottle of Rum; which
latter was thought much the best Present of the Two," and thus (externally
and internally) restored warmth to her majesty's feelings.
When returned from his first campaign, and resting at Mount Vernon, the
time seems to have been beguiled by some charmer, for one of Washington's
officers and intimates writes from Williamsburg, "I imagine you By this
time plung'd in the midst of delight heaven can afford & enchanted By
Charmes even Stranger to the Ciprian Dame," and a footnote by the same
hand only excites further curiosity concerning this latter personage by
indefinitely naming her as "Mrs. Neil."
With whatever heart-affairs the winter was passed, with the spring the
young man's fancy turned not to love, but again to war, and only when the
defeat of Braddock brought Washington back to Mount Vernon to recover from
the fatigues of that campaign was his intercourse with the gentler sex
resumed. Now, however, he was not merely a good-looking young fellow, but
was a hero who had had horses shot from under him and had stood firm when
scarlet-coated men had run away. No longer did he have to sue for the
favor of the fair ones, and Fairfax wrote him that "if a Satterday Nights
Rest cannot be sufficient to enable your coming hither to-morrow, the
Lady's will try to get Horses to equip our Chair or attempt their strength
on Foot to Salute you, so desirous are they with loving Speed to have an
occular Demonstration of your being the same Identical Gent--that lately
departed to defend his Country's Cause." Furthermore, to this letter was
appended the following:
"DEAR SIR,--After thanking Heaven for your safe return I must accuse you
of great unkindness in refusing us the pleasure of seeing you this night.
I do assure you nothing but our being satisfied that our company would be
disagreeable should prevent us from trying if our Legs would not carry us
to Mount Vernon this night, but if you will not come to us to-morrow
morning very early we shall be at Mount Vernon.
"S[ALLY] FAIRFAX,
"ANN SPEARING.
"ELIZ'TH DENT."
Nor is this the only feminine postscript of this time, for in the
postscript of a letter from Archibald Cary, a leading Virginian, he is
told that "Mrs. Cary & Miss Randolph joyn in wishing you that sort of
Glory which will most Indear you to the Fair Sex."
In 1756 Washington had occasion to journey on military business to Boston,
and both in coming and in going he tarried in New York, passing ten days
in his first visit and about a week on his return. This time was spent
with a Virginian friend, Beverly Robinson, who had had the good luck to
marry Susannah Philipse, a daughter of Frederick Philipse, one of the
largest landed proprietors of the colony of New York. Here he met the
sister, Mary Philipse, then a girl of twenty-five, and, short as was the
time, it was sufficient to engage his heart. To this interest no doubt are
due the entries in his accounts of sundry pounds spent "for treating
Ladies," and for the large tailors' bills then incurred. But neither
treats nor clothes won the lady, who declined his proposals, and gave her
heart two years later to Lieutenant-Colonel Roger Morris. A curious sequel
to this disappointment was the accident that made the Roger Morris house
Washington's head-quarters in 1776, both Morris and his wife being
fugitive Tories. Again Washington was a chance visitor in 1790, when, as
part of a picnic, he "dined on a dinner provided by Mr. Marriner at the
House lately Colo. Roger Morris, but confiscated and in the occupation of
a common Farmer."
[Illustration Removed: MARY PHILIPSE]
It has been asserted that Washington loved the wife of his friend George
William Fairfax, but the evidence has not been produced. On the contrary,
though the two corresponded, it was in a purely platonic fashion, very
different from the strain of lovers, and that the correspondence implied
nothing is to be found in the fact that he and Sally Carlyle (another
Fairfax daughter) also wrote each other quite as frequently and on
the same friendly footing; indeed, Washington evidently classed them
in the same category, when he stated that "I have wrote to my two
female correspondents." Thus the claim seems due, like many another of
Washington's mythical love-affairs, rather to the desire of descendants to
link their family "to a star" than to more substantial basis. Washington
did, indeed, write to Sally Fairfax from the frontier, "I should think our
time more agreeably spent, believe me, in playing a part in Cato, with the
company you mention, and myself doubly happy in being the Juba to such a
Marcia, as you must make," but private theatricals then no more than now
implied "passionate love." What is more, Mrs. Fairfax was at this very
time teasing him about another woman, and to her hints Washington
replied,--
"If you allow that any honor can be derived from my opposition ... you
destroy the merit of it entirely in me by attributing my anxiety to the
animating prospect of possessing Mrs. Custis, when--I need not tell you,
guess yourself. Should not my own Honor and country's welfare be the
excitement? 'Tis true I profess myself a votary of love. I acknowledge
that a lady is in the case, and further I confess that this lady is known
to you. Yes, Madame, as well as she is to one who is too sensible of her
charms to deny the Power whose influence he feels and must ever submit to.
I feel the force of her amiable beauties in the recollection of a thousand
tender passages that I could wish to obliterate, till I am bid to revive
them. But experience, alas! sadly reminds me how impossible this is, and
evinces an opinion which I have long entertained that there is a Destiny
which has the control of our actions, not to be resisted by the strongest
efforts of Human Nature. You have drawn me, dear Madame, or rather I have
drawn myself, into an honest confession of a simple Fact. Misconstrue not
my meaning; doubt it not, nor expose it. The world has no business to know
the object of my Love, declared in this manner to you, when I want to
conceal it. One thing above all things in this world I wish to know, and
only one person of your acquaintance can solve me that, or guess my
meaning."
The love-affair thus alluded to had begun in March, 1758, when ill health
had taken Washington to Williamsburg to consult physicians, thinking,
indeed, of himself as a doomed man. In this trip he met Mrs. Martha
(Dandridge) Custis, widow of Daniel Parke Custis, one of the wealthiest
planters of the colony. She was at this time twenty-six years of age, or
Washington's senior by nine months, and had been a widow but seven, yet in
spite of this fact, and of his own expected "decay," he pressed his
love-making with an impetuosity akin to that with which he had urged his
suit of Miss Philipse, and (widows being proverbial) with better success.
The invalid had left Mount Vernon on March 5, and by April 1 he was back
at Fort Loudon, an engaged man, having as well so far recovered his health
as to be able to join his command. Early in May he ordered a ring from
Philadelphia, at a cost of £2.16.0; soon after receiving it he found
that army affairs once more called him down to Williamsburg, and, as
love-making is generally considered a military duty, the excuse was
sufficient. But sterner duties on the frontier were awaiting him, and very
quickly he was back there and writing to his fiancée,--
"We have begun our march for the Ohio. A courier is starting for
Williamsburg, and I embrace the opportunity to send a few words to one
whose life is now inseparable from mine. Since that happy hour when we
made our pledges to each other, my thoughts have been continually going to
you as another Self. That an all-powerful Providence may keep us both in
safety is the prayer of your ever faithful and affectionate friend."
Five months after this letter was written, Washington was able to date
another from Fort Duquesne, and, the fall of that post putting an end to
his military service, only four weeks later he was back in Williamsburg,
and on January 6, 1759, he was married.
Very little is really known of his wife, beyond the facts that she was
petite, over-fond, hot-tempered, obstinate, and a poor speller. In 1778
she was described as "a sociable, pretty kind of woman," and she seems to
have been but little more. One who knew her well described her as "not
possessing much sense, though a perfect lady and remarkably well
calculated for her position," and confirmatory of this is the opinion of
an English traveller that "there was nothing remarkable in the person of
the lady of the President; she was matronly and kind, with perfect good
breeding." None the less she satisfied Washington; even after the
proverbial six months were over he refused to wander from Mount Vernon,
writing that "I am now, I believe, fixed at this seat with an agreeable
Consort for life," and in 1783 he spoke of her as the "partner of all my
Domestic enjoyments."
John Adams, in one of his recurrent moods of bitterness and jealousy
towards Washington, demanded, "Would Washington have ever been commander
of the revolutionary army or president of the United States if he had not
married the rich widow of Mr. Custis?" To ask such a question is to
overlook the fact that Washington's colonial military fame was entirely
achieved before his marriage. It is not to be denied that the match was a
good one from a worldly point of view, Mrs. Washington's third of the
Custis property equalling "fifteen thousand acres of land, a good part of
it adjoining the city of Williamsburg; several lots in the said city;
between two and three hundred negroes; and about eight or ten thousand
pounds upon bond," estimated at the time as about twenty thousand pounds
in all, which was further increased on the death of Patsy Custis in 1773
by a half of her fortune, which added ten thousand pounds to the sum.
Nevertheless the advantage was fairly equal, for Mrs. Custis's lawyer had
written before her marriage of the impossibility of her managing the
property, advising that she "employ a trusty steward, and as the estate is
large and very extensive, it is Mr. Wallers and my own opinion, that you
had better not engage any but a very able man, though he should require
large wages." Of the management of this property, to which, indeed, she
was unequal, Washington entirely relieved her, taking charge also of her
children's share and acting for their interests with the same care with
which he managed the part he was more directly concerned in.
He further saved her much of the detail of ordering her own clothing, and
we find him sending for "A Salmon-colored Tabby of the enclosed pattern,
with satin flowers, to be made in a sack," "1 Cap, Handkerchief, Tucker
and Ruffles, to be made of Brussels lace or point, proper to wear with the
above negligee, to cost £20," "1 pair black, and 1 pair white Satin Shoes,
of the smallest," and "1 black mask." Again he writes his London agent,
"Mrs. Washington sends home a green sack to get cleaned, or fresh dyed of
the same color; made up into a handsome sack again, would be her choice;
but if the cloth won't afford that, then to be thrown into a genteel Night
Gown." At another time he wants a pair of clogs, and when the wrong kind
are sent he writes that "she intended to have leathern Gloshoes." When she
was asked to present a pair of colors to a company, he attended to every
detail of obtaining the flag, and when "Mrs. Washington ... perceived the
Tomb of her Father ... to be much out of Sorts" he wrote to get a workman
to repair it. The care of the Mount Vernon household proving beyond his
wife's ability, a housekeeper was very quickly engaged, and when one who
filled this position was on the point of leaving, Washington wrote his
agent to find another without the least delay, for the vacancy would
"throw a great additional weight on Mrs. Washington;" again, writing in
another domestic difficulty, "Your aunt's distresses for want of a good
housekeeper are such as to render the wages demanded by Mrs. Forbes
(though unusually high) of no consideration." Her letters of form, which
required better orthography than she was mistress of, he draughted for
her, pen-weary though he was.
It has already been shown how he fathered her "little progeny," as he once
called them. Mrs. Washington was a worrying mother, as is shown by a
letter to her sister, speaking of a visit in which "I carried my little
patt with me and left Jacky at home for a trial to see how well I could
stay without him though we were gon but wone fortnight I was quite
impatient to get home. If I at aney time heard the doggs barke or a noise
out, I thought thair was a person sent for me. I often fancied he was sick
or some accident had happened to him so that I think it is impossible
for me to leave him as long as Mr. Washington must stay when he comes
down." To spare her anxiety, therefore, when the time came for "Jacky" to
be inoculated, Washington "withheld from her the information ... &
purpose, if possible, to keep her in total ignorance ... till I hear of
his return, or perfect recovery;... she having often wished that Jack
wou'd take & go through the disorder without her knowing of it, that she
might escape those Tortures which suspense wd throw her into." And on the
death of Patsy he wrote, "This sudden and unexpected blow, I scarce need
add has almost reduced my poor Wife to the lowest ebb of Misery; which is
encreas'd by the absence of her son."
When Washington left Mount Vernon, in May, 1775, to attend the Continental
Congress, he did not foresee his appointment as commander-in-chief, and as
soon as it occurred he wrote his wife,--
"I am now set down to write to you on a subject, which fills me with
inexpressible concern, and this concern is greatly aggravated and
increased, when I reflect upon the uneasiness I know it will give you. It
has been determined in Congress, that the whole army raised for the
defence of the American cause shall be put under my care, and that it is
necessary for me to proceed immediately to Boston to take upon me the
command of it.
"You may believe me, my dear Patsey, when I assure you, in the most solemn
manner, that, so far from seeking this appointment, I have used every
endeavor in my power to avoid it, not only from my unwillingness to part
with you and the family, but from a consciousness of its being a trust too
great for my capacity, and that I should enjoy more real happiness in one
month with you at home, than I have the most distant prospect of finding
abroad, if my stay were to be seven times seven years.... I shall feel no
pain from the toil or danger of the campaign; my unhappiness will flow
from the uneasiness I know you will feel from being left alone."
To prevent this loneliness as far as possible, he wrote at the same time
to different members of the two families as follows:
"My great concern upon this occasion is, the thought of leaving your
mother under the uneasiness which I fear this affair will throw her into;
I therefore hope, expect, and indeed have no doubt, of your using every
means in your power to keep up her spirits, by doing everything in your
power to promote her quiet. I have, I must confess, very uneasy feelings
on her account, but as it has been a kind of unavoidable necessity which
has led me into this appointment, I shall more readily hope that success
will attend it and crown our meetings with happiness."
"I entreat you and Mrs. Bassett if possible to visit at Mt. Vernon, as
also my wife's other friends. I could wish you to take her down, as I have
no expectation of returning till winter & feel great uneasiness at her
lonesome situation."
"I shall hope that my friends will visit and endeavor to keep up the
spirits of my wife, as much as they can, as my departure will, I know, be
a cutting stroke upon her; and on this account alone I have many very
disagreeable sensations. I hope you and my sister, (although the distance
is great), will find as much leisure this summer as to spend a little time
at Mount Vernon."
When, six months later, the war at Boston settled into a mere siege,
Washington wrote that "seeing no prospect of returning to my family and
friends this winter, I have sent an invitation to Mrs. Washington to come
to me," adding, "I have laid a state of difficulties, however, which must
attend the journey before her, and left it to her own choice." His wife
replied in the affirmative, and one of Washington's aides presently wrote
concerning some prize goods to the effect that "There are limes, lemons
and oranges on board, which, being perishable, you must sell immediately.
The General will want some of each, as well of the sweetmeats and pickles
that are on board, as his lady will be here to-day or to-morrow. You will
please to pick up such things on board as you think will be acceptable to
her, and send them as soon as possible; he does not mean to receive
anything without payment."
Lodged at head-quarters, then the Craigie house in Cambridge, the
discomforts of war were reduced to a minimum, but none the less it was a
trying time to Mrs. Washington, who complained that she could not get used
to the distant cannonading, and she marvelled that those about her paid so
little heed to it. With the opening of the campaign in the following
summer she returned to Mount Vernon, but when the army was safely in
winter quarters at Valley Forge she once more journeyed northward, a trip
alluded to by Washington in a letter to Jack, as follows: "Your Mamma is
not yet arrived, but ... expected every hour. [My aide] Meade set off
yesterday (as soon as I got notice of her intention) to meet her. We are
in a dreary kind of place, and uncomfortably provided." And of this
reunion Mrs. Washington wrote, "I came to this place, some time about the
first of February where I found the General very well,... in camp in what
is called the great valley on the Banks of the Schuylkill. Officers and
men are chiefly in Hutts, which they say is tolerably comfortable; the
army are as healthy as can be well expected in general. The General's
apartment is very small; he has had a log cabin built to dine in, which
has made our quarters much more tolerable than they were at first"
Such "winterings" became the regular custom, and brief references in
various letters serve to illustrate them. Thus, in 1779, Washington
informed a friend that "Mrs. Washington, according to custom marched home
when the campaign was about to open;" in July, 1782, he noted that his
wife "sets out this day for Mount Vernon," and later in the same year he
wrote, "as I despair of seeing my home this Winter, I have sent for Mrs.
Washington;" and finally, in a letter he draughted for his wife, he made
her describe herself as "a kind of perambulator, during eight or nine
years of the war."
Another pleasant glimpse during these stormy years is the couple, during a
brief stay in Philadelphia, being entertained almost to death, described
as follows by Franklin's daughter in a letter to her father: "I have
lately been several times abroad with the General and Mrs. Washington. He
always inquires after you in the most affectionate manner, and speaks of
you highly. We danced at Mrs. Powell's your birthday, or night I should
say, in company together, and he told me it was the anniversary of his
marriage; it was just twenty years that night" Again there was junketing
in Philadelphia after the surrender at Yorktown, and one bit of this is
shadowed in a line from Washington to Robert Morris, telling the latter
that "Mrs. Washington, myself and family, will have the honor of dining
with you in the way proposed, to-morrow, being Christmas day."
With the retirement to Mount Vernon at the close of the war, little more
companionship was obtained, for, as already stated, Washington could only
describe his home henceforth as a "well resorted tavern," and two years
after his return he entered in his diary, "Dined with only Mrs. Washington
which I believe is the first instance of it since my retirement from
public life."
Even this was only a furlough, for in six years they were both in public
life again. Mrs. Washington was inclined to sulk over the necessary
restraints of official life, writing to a friend, "Mrs. Sins will give you
a better account of the fashions than I can--I live a very dull life hear
and know nothing that passes in the town--I never goe to any public
place--indeed I think I am more like a State prisoner than anything else;
there is certain bounds set for me which I must not depart from--and as I
cannot doe as I like, I am obstinate and stay at home a great deal."
[Illustration Removed: MRS. DANIEL PARKE CUSTIS, LATER MRS. WASHINGTON]
None the less she did her duties well, and in these "Lady Washington" was
more at home, for, according to Thacher, she combined "in an uncommon
degree, great dignity of manner with most pleasing affability," though
possessing "no striking marks of beauty," and there is no doubt that she
lightened Washington's shoulders of social demands materially. At the
receptions of Mrs. Washington, which were held every Friday evening, so a
contemporary states, "the President did not consider himself as visited.
On these occasions he appeared as a private gentleman, with neither hat
nor sword, conversing without restraint."
From other formal society Mrs. Washington also saved her husband, for a
visitor on New Year's tells of her setting "'the General' (by which title
she always designated her husband)" at liberty: "Mrs. Washington had stood
by his side as the visitors arrived and were presented, and when the clock
in the hall was heard striking nine, she advanced and with a complacent
smile said, 'The General always retires at nine, and I usually precede
him,' upon which all arose, made their parting salutations, and withdrew."
Nor was it only from the fatigues of formal entertaining that the wife
saved her husband, Washington writing in 1793, "We remain in Philadelphia
until the 10th instant. It was my wish to have continued there longer; but
as Mrs. Washington was unwilling to leave me surrounded by the malignant
fever which prevailed, I could not think of hazarding her, and the
Children any longer by my continuance in the City, the house in which we
live being in a manner blockaded by the disorder, and was becoming every
day more and more fatal; I therefore came off with them."
Finally from these "scenes more busy, tho' not more happy, than the
tranquil enjoyment of rural life," they returned to Mount Vernon, hoping
that in the latter their "days will close." Not quite three years of this
life brought an end to their forty years of married life. On the night
that Washington's illness first became serious his secretary narrates that
"Between 2 and 3 o'clk on Saturday morning he [Washington] awoke Mrs.
Washington & told her he was very unwell, and had had an ague.
She ... would have got up to call a servant; but he would not permit her
lest she should take cold." As a consequence of this care for her, her
husband lay for nearly four hours in a chill in a cold bedroom before
receiving any attention, or before even a fire was lighted. When death
came, she said, "Tis well--All is now over--I have no more trials to pass
through--I shall soon follow him." In his will he left "to my dearly
beloved wife" the use of his whole property, and named her an executrix.
As a man's views of matrimony are more or less colored by his personal
experience, what Washington had to say on the institution is of interest.
As concerned himself he wrote to his nephew, "If Mrs. Washington should
survive me, there is a moral certainty of my dying without issue: and
should I be the longest liver, the matter in my opinion, is hardly less
certain; for while I retain the faculty of reasoning, I shall never marry
a girl; and it is not probable that I should have children by a woman of
an age suitable to my own, should I be disposed to enter into a second
marriage." And in a less personal sense he wrote to Chastellux,--
"In reading your very friendly and acceptable letter,... I was, as you
may well suppose, not less delighted than surprised to meet the plain
American words, 'my wife.' A wife! Well, my dear Marquis, I can hardly
refrain from smiling to find you are caught at last. I saw, by the
eulogium you often made on the happiness of domestic life in America, that
you had swallowed the bait, and that you would as surely be taken, one day
or another, as that you were a philosopher and a soldier. So your day has
at length come. I am glad of it, with all my heart and soul. It is quite
good enough for you. Now you are well served for coming to fight in favor
of the American rebels, all the way across the Atlantic Ocean, by catching
that terrible contagion--domestic felicity--which same, like the small pox
or the plague, a man can have only once in his life; because it commonly
lasts him (at least with us in America--I don't know how you manage these
matters in France) for his whole life time. And yet after all the
maledictions you so richly merit on the subject, the worst wish which I
can find in my heart to make against Madame de Chastellux and yourself is,
that you may neither of you ever get the better of this same domestic
felicity during the entire course of your mortal existence."
Furthermore, he wrote to an old friend, whose wife stubbornly refused to
sign a deed, "I think, any Gentleman, possessed of but a very moderate
degree of influence with his wife, might, in the course of five or six
years (for I think it is at least that time) have prevailed upon her to do
an act of justice, in fulfiling his Bargains and complying with his
wishes, if he had been really in earnest in requesting the matter of her;
especially, as the inducement which you thought would have a powerful
operation on Mrs. Alexander, namely the birth of a child, has been
doubled, and tripled."
However well Washington thought of "the honorable state," he was
no match-maker, and when asked to give advice to the widow of Jack Custis,
replied, "I never did, nor do I believe I ever shall, give advice to a
woman, who is setting out on a matrimonial voyage; first, because I never
could advise one to marry without her own consent; and, secondly because I
know it is to no purpose to advise her to refrain, when she has obtained
it. A woman very rarely asks an opinion or requires advice on such an
occasion, till her resolution is formed; and then it is with the hope and
expectation of obtaining a sanction, not that she means to be governed by
your disapprobation, that she applies. In a word the plain English of the
application may be summed up in these words: 'I wish you to think as I do;
but, if unhappily you differ from me in opinion, my heart, I must confess,
is fixed, and I have gone too far now to retract.'" Again he wrote:
"It has ever been a maxim with me through life, neither to promote nor to
prevent a matrimonial connection, unless there should be something
indispensably requiring interference in the latter. I have always
considered marriage as the most interesting event of one's life, the
foundation of happiness or misery. To be instrumental therefore in
bringing two people together, who are indifferent to each other, and may
soon become objects of disgust; or to prevent a union, which is prompted
by the affections of the mind, is what I never could reconcile with
reason, and therefore neither directly nor indirectly have I ever said a
word to Fanny or George, upon the subject of their intended connection."
The question whether Washington was a faithful husband might well be left
to the facts already given, were it not that stories of his immorality are
bandied about in clubs, a well-known clergyman has vouched for their
truth, and a United States senator has given further currency to them by
claiming special knowledge on the subject. Since such are the facts, it
seems best to consider the question and show what evidence there actually
is for these stories, that at least the pretended "letters," etc., which
are always being cited, and are never produced, may no longer have
credence put in them, and the true basis for all the stories may be known
and valued at its worth.
In the year 1776 there was printed in London a small pamphlet entitled
"Minutes of the Trial and Examination of Certain Persons in the Province
of New York," which purported to be the records of the examination of the
conspirators of the "Hickey plot" (to murder Washington) before a
committee of the Provincial Congress of New York. The manuscript of this
was claimed in the preface to have been "discovered (on the late capture
of New York by the British troops) among the papers of a person who
appears to have been secretary to the committee." As part of the evidence
the following was printed:
"William Cooper, soldier, sworn.
"Court. Inform us what conversation you heard at the Serjeant's Arms?
"Cooper. Being there the 21st of May, I heard John Clayford inform the
company, that Mary Gibbons was thoroughly in their interest, and that the
whole would be safe. I learnt from enquiry that Mary Gibbons was a girl
from New Jersey, of whom General Washington was very fond, that he
maintained her genteelly at a house near Mr. Skinner's,--at the North
River; that he came there very often late at night in disguise; he learnt
also that this woman was very intimate with Clayford, and made him
presents, and told him of what General Washington said.
"Court. Did you hear Mr. Clayford say any thing himself that night?
"Cooper. Yes; that he was the day before with Judith, so he called her,
and that she told him, Washington had often said he wished his hands were
clear of the dirty New-Englanders, and words to that effect.
"Court. Did you hear no mention made of any scheme to betray or seize him?
"Cooper. Mr. Clayford said he could easily be seized and put on board a
boat, and carried off, as his female friend had promised she would assist:
but all present thought it would be hazardous."
"William Savage, sworn.
"Court. Was you at the Serjeant's Arms on the 21st of May? Did you hear
any thing of this nature?
"Savage. I did, and nearly as the last evidence has declared; the society
in general refused to be concerned in it, and thought it a mad scheme.
"Mr. Abeel. Pray, Mr. Savage, have not you heard nothing of an information
that was to be given to Governor Tryon?
"Savage. Yes; papers and letters were at different times shewn to the
society, which were taken out of General Washington's pockets by Mrs.
Gibbons, and given (as she pretended some occasion of going out) to Mr.
Clayford, who always copied them, and they were put into his pockets
again."
The authenticity of this pamphlet thus becomes of importance, and over
this little time need be spent. The committee named in it differs from the
committee really named by the Provincial Congress, and the proceedings
nowhere implicate the men actually proved guilty. In other words, the
whole publication is a clumsy Tory forgery, put forward with the same idle
story of "captured papers" employed in the "spurious letters" of
Washington, and sent forth from the same press (J. Bew) from which that
forgery and several others issued.
The source from which the English fabricator drew this scandal is
fortunately known. In 1775 a letter to Washington from his friend Benjamin
Harrison was intercepted by the British, and at once printed broadcast in
the newspapers. In this the writer gossips to Washington "to amuse you and
unbend your minds from the cares of war," as follows: "As I was in the
pleasing task of writing to you, a little noise occasioned me to turn my
head around, and who should appear but pretty little Kate, the
Washer-woman's daughter over the way, clean, trim and as rosy as the
morning. I snatched the golden, glorious opportunity, and, but for the
cursed antidote to love, Sukey, I had fitted her for my general against his
return. We were obliged to part, but not till we had contrived to meet
again: if she keeps the appointment, I shall relish a week's longer stay."
From this originated the stories of Washington's infidelity as already
given, and also a coarser version of the same, printed in 1776 in a Tory
farce entitled "The Battle of Brooklyn."
Jonathan Boucher, who knew Washington well before the Revolution, yet who,
as a loyalist, wrote in no friendly spirit of him, asserted that "in his
moral character, he is regular." A man who disliked him far more, General
Charles Lee, in the excess of his hatred, charged Washington in 1778 with
immorality,--a rather amusing impeachment, since at the very time Lee was
flaunting the evidence of his own incontinence without apparent shame,--and
a mutual friend of the accused and accuser, Joseph Reed, whose service on
Washington's staff enabled him to speak wittingly, advised that Lee
"forbear any Reflections upon the Commander in Chief, of whom for the
first time I have heard Slander on his private Character, viz., great
cruelty to his Slaves in Virginia & Immorality of Life, tho' they
acknowledge so very secret that it is difficult to detect. To me who have
had so good opportunities to know the Purity of the latter & equally
believing the Falsehood of the former from the known excellence of his
disposition, it appears so nearly bordering upon frenzy, that I can pity
the wretches rather than despise them."
Washington was too much of a man, however, to have his marriage lessen his
liking for other women; and Yeates repeats that "Mr. Washington once told
me, on a charge which I once made against the President at his own Table,
that the admiration he warmly professed for Mrs. Hartley, was a Proof of
his Homage to the worthy Part of the Sex, and highly respectful to his
Wife." Every now and then there is an allusion in his letters which shows
his appreciation of beauty, as when he wrote to General Schuyler, "Your
fair daughter, for whose visit Mrs. Washington and myself are greatly
obliged," and again, to one of his aides, "The fair hand, to whom your
letter ... was committed presented it safe."
His diary, in the notes of the balls and assemblies which he attended,
usually had a word for the sex, as exampled in: "at which there were
between 60 & 70 well dressed ladies;" "at which there was about 100 well
dressed and handsome ladies;" "at which were 256 elegantly dressed
ladies;" "where there was a select Company of ladies;" "where (it is said)
there were upwards of 100 ladies; their appearance was elegant, and many
of them very handsome;" "at wch. there were about 400 ladies the number
and appearance of wch. exceeded anything of the kind I have ever seen;"
"where there were about 75 well dressed, and many of them very handsome
ladies--among whom (as was also the case at the Salem and Boston
assemblies) were a greater proportion with much blacker hair than are
usually seen in the Southern States."
At his wife's receptions, as already said, Washington did not view himself
as host, and "conversed without restraint, generally with women, who
rarely had other opportunity of seeing him," which perhaps accounts for
the statement of another eye-witness that Washington "looked very much
more at ease than at his own official levees." Sullivan adds that "the
young ladies used to throng around him, and engaged him in conversation.
There were some of the well-remembered belles of the day who imagined
themselves to be favorites with him. As these were the only opportunities
which they had of conversing with him, they were disposed to use them." In
his Southern trip of 1791 Washington noted, with evident pleasure, that he
"was visited about 2 o'clock, by a great number of the most respectable
ladies of Charleston--the first honor of the kind I had ever experienced
and it was flattering as it was singular." And that this attention was not
merely the respect due to a great man is shown in the letter of a
Virginian woman, who wrote to her correspondent in 1777, that when
"General Washington throws off the Hero and takes up the chatty agreeable
Companion--he can be down right impudent sometimes--such impudence, Fanny,
as you and I like."
Another feminine compliment paid him was a highly laudatory poem which was
enclosed to him, with a letter begging forgiveness, to which he playfully
answered,--
"You apply to me, my dear Madam, for absolution as tho' I was your father
Confessor; and as tho' you had committed a crime, great in itself, yet of
the venial class. You have reason good--for I find myself strangely
disposed to be a very indulgent ghostly adviser on this occasion; and,
notwithstanding 'you are the most offending Soul alive' (that is, if it is
a crime to write elegant Poetry,) yet if you will come and dine with me on
Thursday, and go thro' the proper course of penitence which shall be
prescribed I will strive hard to assist you in expiating these poetical
trespasses on this side of purgatory. Nay more, if it rests with me
to direct your future lucubrations, I shall certainly urge you to a
repetition of the same conduct, on purpose to shew what an admirable knack
you have at confession and reformation; and so without more hesitation, I
shall venture to command the muse, not to be restrained by ill-grounded
timidity, but to go on and prosper. You see, Madam, when once the woman
has tempted us, and we have tasted the forbidden fruit, there is no such
thing as checking our appetites, whatever the consequences may be. You
will, I dare say, recognize our being the genuine Descendants of those who
are reputed to be our great Progenitors."
Nor was Washington open only to beauty and flattery. From the rude
frontier in 1756 he wrote, "The supplicating tears of the women,... melt
me into such deadly sorrow, that I solemnly declare, if I know my own
mind, I could offer myself a willing sacrifice to the butchering enemy,
provided that would contribute to the people's ease." And in 1776 he said,
"When I consider that the city of New York will in all human probability
very soon be the scene of a bloody conflict, I cannot but view the great
numbers of women, children, and infirm persons remaining in it, with the
most melancholy concern. When the men-of-war passed up the river, the
shrieks and cries of these poor creatures running every way with their
children, were truly distressing.... Can no method be devised for their
removal?"
Nevertheless, though liked by and liking the fair sex, Washington was
human, and after experience concluded that "I never again will have two
women in my house when I am there myself."
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